![]() Imagine you’re at a funeral and it’s your turn to add the the eulogy. Image: Quick Meme The Inappropriately Timed Boner A lot of us have been there, but we don’t really like talking about it in case we get a real girlfriend one day. It happens, but I wouldn’t brag about it. Yeah, you’re sporting wood over a computer animation, dude. These are kind of creepy because they come around when you’re gaming and playing a character that is kind of obviously meant to be physically attractive (Lara Croft) and your dick agrees. There is only one way to handle this annoying problem - choke him until he throws up and subsides. ![]() It’s like he doesn’t know he’s 8 hours early for the Morning Glory Boner. You’re ready for sleep, but your lil’ buddy doesn’t want any of that and springs to life. You turn the lights out, lie down and close your eyes. What can I do to help?” Forget that the circumstance that made the first one arrive is gone or done. This is the stiffy that arrives as soon as the other one is gone. It’s like, dude, the party is over, gtfo. It’s like that annoying person at a party who just doesn’t know when to leave. ![]() It was fun for a little while, but after a bit, you just want to be left alone. Image: Quick Meme The Everlasting Gobstopper Boner It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing the tightest underwear in the world, people will notice. These fun fatties happen when you’re out in public wearing gym shorts, and knowing full well that you’ll never be able to hide them, they pop up. Just move on and pretend nothing ever happened. Maybe you’re roughhousing with a mate, wrestling, or something like that, and you get a woody… and it’s cringe worthy. The younger you are the more likely these are to happen, and they really, really suck. Image: Tumblr The Any Physical Contact is Good Contact Boner This means taking matters into your own hand(s). These stiffies arrive when that really great date ends in a goodnight kiss on her (or his) doorstep with promises of another date, and your Hopeful Boner needs to be reclassified. *wink wink* Image: The Disappointed Boner Of course, this means you’re hopeful there might be some sort of after date activities. She (or he, we aren’t judging) is laughing at all your jokes, making good eye contact, and all signs point to the date being a winner. You’re on a date and it’s going really well. The reasons for the bored boner are usually pretty obvious - you have nothing to do so your hands are down your pants and not even thinking about what’s going. ImageL Witt Thomas Harris Productions / Touchstone Television / Via Buzzfeed The Bored Boner Is your subconscious trying to say something about your attraction to old ladies or intimidating men? Probably not, but we’ll never know for sure. These are the erections you get when you really wouldn’t expect to get one, like when you’re watching the Golden Girls or Judge Joe Brown. It feels nice and refreshing, but then it’s gone just as quickly. This is the boner that comes out of nowhere really suddenly. By: Bob n Renee The Gone with the Wind Boner Our favorite solution is simple - put a book in front of it.Įveryone knows this boner. You’re sitting there, completely ignoring whatever lesson is happening in the background and things start to stir, and BAM!, the teacher calls on you to do something on the board.Ĭhances are if you’re reading this you’re past the age when this applies, but know this: You have an obligation to future generations to warn them and to offer advice on how to deal with it. This is perhaps the most (in)famous boner that has ever existed. You are totally not consciously turned on, but somewhere your brain is going, “Female contact! Get the penis going, bro.” This is that erection you get when you really shouldn’t, like hugging your mother-in-law or your kind of attractive cousin. By: Christopher Koppes The Awkward Moment Boner If you just barely had to go it’s not likely to happen, but if you’ve held off for a long time chances are you’re sporting a little chub at least. Not really an erection at all, when some guys have to urinate really bad they get what’s called a peerection. Just let that sink in, digest what you’re feeling, and move on. Your parents have seen and possibly touched, your erection. When you were a baby you got erections… in front of your mother or father or whoever happened to be bathing you or changing your diaper. You’re going to hate us for telling you this, and it might make you want to stop reading the rest of our list. It’s just hilarious to talk about our junk. It’s imperative that all guys understand what each type means. ![]() The medical experts at Fanboy Report have identified 21 unique types of stiffies, and we feel as if it’s our responsibility to share with our readers these important findings.
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